The Weasel's sweet digs provided the perfect location for a party. We spent most of our time out of doors. To get there you just walk down a suspiciously narrow stairwell. Posing in the stairwell, the Mayor indicated that--despite the delicious keg of Bud--only the best for her. Indeed, she brought along her trusty six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon--truly the ambrosia of beers. Once she pops the top you will see the makings of a Meatloaf video in her wake. After all, the Mayor's favorite line in Blue Velvet isn't, "Heineken! Fuck that Shit, Pabst Blue Ribbon!" for nothing...
Below, the Mayor contemplates a party of her own. She considered calling her good friend, Britney Spears, for musical entertainment. Then...Britney's interview with Matt Lauer was televised. On second thought, the Mayor would feign make a PR mistake of that magnitude, and decided that she should distance herself from Britney until she makes a comeback on the country charts. Perhaps she could simply show Brit's interview on repeat with an LCD--that would be a welcome addition to any party.
The Escape Goat staked out prime real estate on the porch where she could observe all of the antics from a safe distance. But once she starts drinking she is a character magnet. She couldn't avoid the antics for long...
Out of nowhere a powerful magician--descendant of the famed Merlin, no less--materialized with a deck of cards and a friendly, unassuming smile. But even the malicious Wizard of Wor had a devilish grin, and he too loved to laugh. Here are some of the best phrases from that game (all of which our wizard did not hesitate to apply):
* "Ah you thought you could but I'm the dungeon master. Ha ha ha ha."
* "And my teleporting spell can be even faster. Ha ha ha ha."
* "Another coin for my treasure chest."
* "Are you fit to survive the pit? Ha ha ha ha."
* "Bite the bullet warrior. Ha ha ha ha."
* "Come back for more, with, The Wizard of Wor. Ha ha ha ha."
* "Deep in the caverns of war you will meet me warrior."
* "Deeper ever deeper in to the dungeons of war. Ha ha ha ha."
* "Fear, I draw near, each time I appear. Ha ha ha ha."
* "Hay, Your space boots untied. Ha ha ha ha."
* "He he he ho ho ho ha ha ha ha, that was fun."
* "Hey, insert coin."
* "I'll fray you with my lightning bolts."
* "I'm out'a spite. ha ha ha ha."
* "If you can't beat the rest, then you'll never get the best. Ha ha ha ha."
* "My beasts run wild in the warlord dungeons. Ha ha ha ha."
* "My creatures are radioactive."
* "Now you get the heavyweights."
* "Now you know the taste of my magic, worrior."
* "Now your only chance is your dance. Ha ha ha ha."
* "One bite from my pretties and you'll explode. Ha ha ha ha."
* "Remember, I'm the wizard, not you!"
* "So you've come to score in the world of wor. Ha ha ha ha."
* "Wasn't that lightning bolt delicious? Ha ha ha ha."
* "You can start anew, but for now you're through."
* "You've just been frayed by the Wizard of Wor. Ha ha ha ha."
* "Your bones will lie in the dungeons of wor. Ha ha ha ha."
* "Your explosion was music to my ears. Ha ha ha ha."
At first, we embraced this magical being's company. Indeed, his wizardry made for a curious spectacle. Apart from being a bit pushy and demanding, the magician seemed friendly enough. He wasn't threatening to saw off arms and legs, or produce a rabbit from a hat--just cards. No big deal, right? Take note of the spectrum of emotions exhibited on the Mayor's face in this series of pics. Below she appears welcoming and amused...
All well and good until the magician entered a trance and channeled Beelzebub, the underworld's chief of the nine evil hierarchies. Dante identified Beelzebub with Satan, but Milton's Paradise Lost only ranks him, "next to Satan in power in crime." So that's what we had to deal with--crazy, evil, Beelzebub of magicians in our midst. Once the magician became sinister, the Mayor's welcoming expression turned to fear and suspicion. Her glare of umbrage only inflamed the angry wizard.
Finally, she had to look away from the surly, screaming wizard who demanded increased crowd participation. The Weasel insisted that he was not paying the magician, and considered banning the ill-fated deck of cards. But being a good natured weasel, he let it slide.
Finally, Double D' Wicked approached and vanquished the evil wizard back to the seventh level of hell. We were all happy about that. We hoisted her on our shoulders and passed her around like a sack of potatoes before depositing her on Ashland Avenue in a cloud of dust. When the din cleared she was pretty confused to find herself standing on Ashland Avenue. Thanks to her internal compass, she returned expediently but scorned all good deeds for the remainder of the evening. Her retribution was felt in most circles.
With the dark wizard being safely disposed of, the Escape Goat decided she could stop lurking in the shadows like a wraith. Below she shows off her matching accessories...
Then she displayed the remarkable ability to dislocate her shoulder while the Mayor enviously looked on.
Billy Shamrocked Boston and caught a bottle cap on his rippling bicep with his cat-like reflexes.
The Fickle Feather looked particularly disheveled. He's still coming down from a reputed thrashing in Mahjong. The Mahjong victor, Rachel, is obscured by his aloof coiffeur.
The Weasel's shirt screams, "It's World Cup! GOALLL!"
Adam, is that a giraffe on your shirt, or a Georgia O'Keeffe flower? Giraffes are like snowflakes; no two giraffes have the same pattern of spots. Also, a giraffe's tongue can be up to 21 inches long. Giraffes are the tallest mammals on the planet.
The below shot is wonderful because it captures the Escape Goat’s truly impish nature. Many assume that she is innocent and blameless when hyjinks are afoot. Not so! Turn your back on her and she’ll piss in your ice-trays! Just look at that devious mug. Note how she tersely clenches her beer, patiently waiting for the opportune moment to hurl the empty at your head. She has been experiencing withdraw symptoms since her last bloodletting in April which involved a hapless bystander and a plastic, blood-stained bat…
At last—Double D’ Wicked returns from Ashland Avenue. OR. Was she photoshopped into this picture? YOU decide. Billy and the Escape Goat are waiting for Madonna to remix “Vogue.” (Again.)
Once again, the Escape Goat’s friendly nature is unveiled. Still biding her time with the empty bottle, she stalks her prey in the steamy night, waiting for the opportune moment to smash the base and wave the jagged neck threateningly. That calculated glare is no mistake.
Intoxicated by the mere vapors permeating from the lip of her PBR, the Mayor presented an unusually rapt audience for Billy. Coming down off of the bold claim that he could "make a cell phone belt-clip cool," here he is featured entrancing the Mayor with his hypnotically soothing voice. Like a snake charmer bewitching a cobra, he appears to have beguiled the Mayor with his wiles.
Do my eyes deceive me or is Double D’ Wicked strategically disguising a flip-off with a nose scratch? Wouldn’t be the first time!
Congratulations, Weasel, on a successfully festive evening in the sweltering night!
1 comment:
I know you are alive and well when I see your recently updated blog...
Bridezilla
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