The Infamous Caning Incident

The night of April 1st was the ill-fated date of the Escape Goat's now infamous party. The evening started out innocently enough, with the Sly Little Minx on hand to torment the Mayor with frivolous hyjinx.



As the evening progressed, the atmosphere grew increasingly bizarre. By 2:00 PM a suspicious crowd donning Edward Goreyesque fur coats arrived to bring the pain and cart off the victim for a bloodletting ritual. At that point the notorious caning had already occurred. Who would have suspected that such a seemingly hapless event could turn bloody? Wine flowed like water, and many remarked that the Escape Goat's event was so successful that she would have to consider hosting regular salons. She even allowed Lil' Homey a glass of scotch (despite the well-known fact that he had been swimming in a gin bath all evening).



How could such a good time go awry? It all started with the Dora the Explorer pinata pictured below. Overflowing with delicious tootsie rolls, plastic aleosauruses, and sparkling just-add-water-to-watch-them-grow aliens, Dora was strategically positioned on the back porch. Due to her preternatural ability to sense danger, the Sly Little Minx remarked, "Uh-Oh. No way I'm goin' out on that porch. My walk-in shoe closet's bigger than that cracker box. Lookit the size of that bat! Uhn-Uh." Of course, the Mayor and I strolled out to appreciate the frivolities. Off to the left of the photograph, you may notice the dapper character in the tie and scarf. His identity has been concealed as he is still recovering from his injuries. Moments after the below photograph was taken, the Escape Goat mistook him for Dora the Explorer and pummeled him ruthlessly with blow upon plastic-baseball-bat blow! Like a frenzied shark with blood in the water, she struck again and again until finally leveling the innocent bystander.



Spent, a cigarette was in order. Fortunately, the Crafty Weasel was on hand to provide a Lucky Strike. Above their heads the tattered remains of Dora's decapitated head dangled in the night.



Taken to fits of madness, the Escape Goat could only giggle maniacally...



and threaten the Crafty Weasel with force when he tried to take away her weapon of choice. She couldn't be bribed to part with the bat, not even with a frosty, sweat covered can of Pabst Blue Ribbon.



Frightened, the Crafty Weasel retreated and left the Escape Goat to her own devices. She hurled insults at Dora, and all present became generally concerned. "Want a piece of me! Come and get it, suckers!" she shouted above the din of the crowd, waving her bat tauntingly.