The Escape Goat Incubates New Penicillin Spore in Desk Drawer; Finds Possible Cure for Bird Flu, Declares Herself Immune

This is not the first time that the Escape Goat has attempted to incubate a new mold spore in one of her unused cubicle drawers. Many of her experiments have ended in tragedy, but now she has a cause: the impending doom of bird flu and the mass casualties it will inevitably leave in it's wake. Most of us huddle about shamelessly in the corner awaiting the onslaught of bird flu, others--like me--have plotted an escape route to Phobos, one of the two moons belonging to Mars. You'll be pleased to learn that already we have set up self-sustaining soylent green plantations. There are a proud few--like the Escape Goat--who hope to find a cure before the bird flu destroys all mankind. To them I say, "Sayonara suckers!" But wait--not so fast! Below you will note the fruit of the Escape Goat's labors. She proposes that by puncturing the softest part of this orange with a straw and drinking its delicious contents--as she has--you too will become immune to the bird flu. She claims that it has the taste and consistency of a Capri Sun juice box, or Tang, if you will...



Below the Escape Goat proudly extends her discovery with an abrupt, "Get your own straw." (I apologize for the blurry image; I was trying to escape a cloud of airborne mold spores.) To the general public, take heart; the Escape Goat's bird flu cure will be available for purchase and consumption any day now. Her patented manufacturing process is unlike any other, and is the only thing standing between you and the chilling, indiscriminate claw of death. She is currently constructing a website, in the meantime, call 1-800-WETBOYS if you have any questions.