At first, Reggie was a bit sheepish and timid about having a party. He wasn't sure that his friends would come. Below, I caught him pacing in the kitchen nervously.
He gave pause to relax in a sunbeam and contemplate the aging process. I like this picture of Reggie because he looks kind of cute, but also like a 3 million year old troll. All he needs is a cloak and a gnarled staff.
In the absence of his canine friends, Reggie sought comfort on a human lap. Poor Reggie! No one is coming to his party. Below he broods and pouts as he dangles his drooling French bulldog jowls over my knees.
But don't despair for long Reggie, look! It's Daisy! Reggie's friend Daisy arrived, and promptly extracted a hefty payment in Greenies for her attendance. She's all like, "Just give me my Greenies and a slice of the cottage cheese cake and I'll be on my way."
But Daisy wasn't the only one there--Gatsby came too. Gatsby is about four but he acts like he's twelve. He is an old soul. Gatsby just kind of hung out while Reggie--the belle of the ball--took turns playing with Daisy and smiling for portraits.
At first Daisy and Reggie skirmished over a toy, but after the fray everything went smoothly. The Don (the Proud Peacock's father) warned against such skirmishes. In his wisdom, he remarked, "I don't know if it's a good idea to have all of those dogs inside at once."
Conspicuously missing was Pete O'Brien. Pete verbally promised to make a cameo, but at the last minute claimed his invitation must have gone lost in the mail under dubious circumstances. Pete was not available for comment, but--from the set of Snow Dogs II starring Cuba Gooding Jr.--his office released this statement:
The misplacement of Pete's invitation is no doubt a regrettable deed. We are looking into the matter, and suspect the source may be Pete's latest row with the mailman. Pete's mailman has a history of sabotaging party invitations in an effort to cramp Pete's style, but Pete remains--as always--an unwavering hipster in the face of adversity. Reggie, please accept Pete's humble apology and this macadamia nut gift basket, imported from Hawaii.
Ann gave Reggie some wonderful antler headgear to wear over the holiday season. Below, Reggie stands astride Bonnie's leg and models the crowning glory. He strikes a proud figure indeed.
Below the antlers are seen dangling freely; serving the dual purpose of propellant gear. Had the Peacock not removed the antlers perhaps we would have seen Reggie take to the third floor and leap through a window to test the hang gliding mechanism. The Peacock concluded that such a powerful toy would have to wait for the outdoors; there was no place for propellant gear inside.
Minus the gear, Reggie is torn between his new stuffed friend, Mallard, and your basic traditional tennis ball. Exhausted by indecision, Reggie finally collapsed and found himself akimbo on the floor. So many toys--so little time.
Even the Peacock couldn't resist documenting the moment. After all, you only turn three once! What to do with the treasure trove of Reggie photos amassed at his third birthday party? You will be pleased to learn that talks are underway to create the first of an annual series of Reggie calenders. Reggie has been immortalized in fine art, and on coffee mugs, why not calenders? There are the Reggie trading cards, and there's the Reggie refrigerator magnet / bottle-opener; calenders are the obvious next step in the explosive Reggie franchise.
Below, Daisy enjoys a waft of Reggie's fragrant ass.
What a successful party! Reggie is all smiles as he marvels over the scene of destruction and chaos. A stuffed toy orgie--complete with tennis balls and a squeaky George Bush bust--beckon at his feet. Never had he gorged himself on such a feast of delights. You will notice that Ann is muttering words of encouragement as Reggie teeters on the edge between virtue and vice.
Finally, unbridled and freed from the Peacock's grip, Reggie stands on his hind legs and licks at plates on the table. Left to his own devices he is clearly a deviant. As the Peacock bats him aside half-heartedly, Ann looks on with approval. Unattended, Reggie will put anything in his mouth and attempt to consume it. For instance, Reggie was recently stricken with a diarrhea bout due to something he had eaten one year ago!
It all started several weeks ago when Reggie began waking the Peacock up in the middle of the night due to crippling attacks of diarrhea. The vet couldn't find anything wrong with Reggie, nor could the animal communicator! Suddenly, after a couple of traumatic weeks, he vomited up a piece of plastic the size and shape of a small shot glass. The Peacock instantly recognized the rogue plastic as a "tiny foot that had broken off one of his toys--ONE YEAR AGO!" Apparently, Reggie ate the tiny foot and never disposed of it--until the vomiting episode one year later. Afterwards, his diarrhea ceased. So eating entire plates from the coffee table is just another day in the life of.
Below, Reggie and Daisy share a playful moment...
More play time. You will note that Gatsby is not participating in any of the reindeer games. He is off in the corner smoking his pipe and playing Sudoko.
One winter, the Proud Peacock refused to take bags out to scoop Reggie's shit. I warned her that this would certainly ruin her Stepping in Shit Karma, but she claimed that she had karma to burn due to her shit scooping diligence during more pleasant weather. I argued that she was setting up a false dichotomy, but to no avail. All winter long she would creep around in the cold, trailing along behind Reggie, just waiting for him to dump a load so she could cover it up with a chunk of ice and giggle slyly to herself. Obviously, she is not alone. I maintain that many like-minded dog walkers exhibit similar behavior in the winter. Why do you think so much dog shit is unearthed with the thaw of spring? I implore all dog owners to revisit their winter scooping practices, and ask, do you TRULY have karma to burn? Just ask the Peacock what fate befell her that spring? I'll tell you. The following spring she stepped in a disproportionate number of thawing or frozen turds. I reminded her of her bad winter scooping practices, and she concluded that--indeed--her Stepping in Shit Karma had declined. Ever since, she has redeemed herself by taking two bags all year round--just for good measure. All dog walkers should do the same. MINX! That means you. This year, don't let Old Man Winter keep you from doing your civic duty: If your dog poops--Be prepared to scoop.
Once again, Bonnie and Reggie exchange hugs. Clearly, Reggie loves the limelight and shows no shortage of smiles. Bonnie is smiling because she still recalls the victorious day she successfully won the pool of money at the Peacock's Oscar party. She hopes to defend her title another year, but there are several contenders waiting in the wings hoping to break her lucky streak. You will note that she is rubbing Reggie's golden, buddhaesque tummy for luck.
Of course, the Peacock served up a delicious spread for the humans, as well as the dogs. Below is just a sampling of the magnificent feast--shrimp and cucumbers.
And below is the mythologized Reggie birthday cake with cottage cheese frosting. The Peacock baked this cake just for the dogs, and left half of it frostingless, incase Daisy or Gatsby opted for a fat-free slice. I don't know exactly what was in the cake, but I recall that peanut butter was one of the main ingredients.
Regardless, it was a hit, as evidenced in Daisy's defensive posturing--no one's coming between Daisy and her slice of cake.
It appears that Daisy enjoyed her cake so much, that she bogarted poor Gatsby's cake! There's no denying that the slouching and crafty figure on the right is Daisy in action, as she slinks through the shadows like a wraith and pounces on that unattended crumb Gatsby has haphazardly drizzled out of the corner of his mouth.
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