And if you need further proof, just look at them engaged in a loving embrace: Her so terse, him so adoring. This is typical of the Mayor's relationships with most men; Dryfus, apparently, is no exception.
Clearly, Dryfus had bigger fish to fry, so he projected his previous ire towards the Mayor onto his reservoir of toys. He showed no mercy for his sixth Pepper of the year (not to mention Bah-Bah, Melon, Pussy, and Ring Neck Pheasant--all of which he made quick work with his gnashing jaws).
Dryfus always fucks up his true friends--like dear, brave Pepper--when the Minx has company. R.I.P. Pepper--the Minx will not stitch your wounds, and M'Arcy Webber is in Argentina. As we said of this massacre, the ill-fated night Pepper met with Destiny, ET IN ARCADIA EGO! But you will not be impressed with Latin when you learn of our true reason for converging on the Minx's property...
Admittedly, we arrived at the Minx's to watch the reunion episode of Project Runway, and to watch the next episode of America's Next Top Model (ANTM). My prime reason for tuning in to Project Runway was to see Allison win the fan favorite award, and that didn't happen (which was a huge disappointment). I was still satisfied with Michael winning the award, but he's no Allison. I did, however, enjoy Keith's claims of conspiracy and subsequent tête-à-tête with Tim Gun. In short, as long as either Uli or Laura use Jeffery's smug, spiky head as the pipe cleaner it appropriately resembles to wipe his ass during Fashion Week I'll be satisfied. Below, the Mayor and Escape Goat are transfixed.
Regarding ANTM, despite her Chicago roots, we were relieved to see Monique expelled from the coven of potential Top Models. We were also shocked that they didn't keep Monique on for the sake of the ratings she undoubtedly inspired with her antics, but we think the ANTM producers must be banking on the casting genius that is the Twins to keep the show afloat. A straight twin and a queer twin? Please. That's so hot, even I tune in. In short, we were not saddened to bid Monique a fond farewell, with high hopes that the Melrose / Anchal rivalry will be able to carry on the insipid torch of drama (a torch that Monique clear owned). Now that Melrose has modified her diet to a bowl of bitchy for breakfast, she is clearly up to the task. Below, the Minx reacts to Monique's dismissal. 
While I am eager to rehash a bit of the Project Runway reunion episode as well, I will minimize my commentary because why read a recap by me when you can read the Four-Four's hilarious recaps of both Project Runway and ANTM? Generically speaking, gay men know fashion far better than dykes.
Regardless, we really wanted to acclimate the Mayor to Project Runway (as she hasn't been watching it), and to introduce her to the ghetto-fabulous meets Cracker hilarity that is ANTM. Still, Top Model just isn't the same without Janice Dickerson. Twiggy's an icon, but Janice brought the pain. Janice and Tyra together--on stage--used to spell double trouble. I find it a strange contradiction that they tried to ratchet up the class level by infusing Twiggy while their magazine photo shoots have gradually slid from Elle to the likes of Seventeen. As long as Tyra makes those girls weep crocodile tears of anguish and the drama stays as clean as my conscience, I'll still tune in. As for the Mayor's take on all of this?
She enjoyed both Project Runway and ANTM.
Time to order some take-out. Escape Goat! Hurry up with that menu! Look at the Minx, patiently drooling in the background--like Dryfus with a fresh Pussy to sink his teeth into. (Dirty minds.)
Speaking of Dryfus...he was undeterred. (As if winning the Mayor's sympathies were not enough; now he is craving the Minx's affections.) 
He bypassed the Escape Goat and planted his face right in the Minx's lap. He knows who the weak link is...
The Escape Goat was wearing some really cool tights. She took this picture while stretching out on Dryfus's flying carpet. Everything nice you ought to have twice, so watch for these dueling patterns again. Predictably, Dryfus's flying carpet is the product of ill-gotten gains. Several years ago the Minx was running a rug scam on e-Bay. Everyone knows that Dryfus has connections in the flying carpet industry--one bad influence, that was all it took. The Minx was trafficking flying carpets like the Russians traffic sex. It was a low and sordid time in her life. But she soon learned crime is a seed that will find no purchase in the fertile valley of civility, and cast aside her evil ways for a life of conformity. Now that they have sworn a life of reform, even Dryfus obeys the law.
Below, the Minx announces the arrival of dinner in a bag. Yes, that is a cage on the floor behind her. Yes, her sex life is very kinky.
Since the Minx has TiVo, we had the luxury of skipping through all of the commercials as we sorted out our snacks. Below, the Minx navigates the labyrinth of TiVo commands as it makes "angry sounds" at her each time she pushes the wrong button. There were lots of wrong buttons being pushed.
As we were watching Project Runway, we caught the Mayor up on all of the characters, and somehow it came out that the Escape Goat and I had both googled Crazy Vincent's model Jia Santos after the announcement that she was mysteriously injured while traveling on her bike. I was convinced she had actually overdosed and the bike story was a conspiratorial cover-up--such is my cynical nature. I believe the Escape Goat shared my suspicions... 
But it turns out poor Jia was actually clotheslined by a bus while biking to the Bravo photo shoot and dragged beneath it for hundreds of mean city blocks in the thriving metropolis of New York city. For all of those who want an update on her condition, go here. Such a sad story! This is the exact path Jia attempted on her bike: She left the Village (of course) on a vintage Schwinn, traveling north on 6th Avenue. She made a right on Waverly and was struck by the bus just after Macdougal. Below, I have recreated her intended path--cut short by a bus. You will note that the black line continues well after the "X" (which represents the location of the tragedy); this signifies the dragging. I was able to obtain the path of the tire tracks thanks to satellite images. Behold, exclusive and never before seen details (click map to enlarge):
Dragged by a bus after making it to the coveted top-three model spots on Project Runway. And all because she had taken up modeling to support her impoverished family in a Hungarian village. Project Runway's sacrificial lamb--I hope Bravo paid the medical bill. Jia--another casualty in the fashion wars.
The good news is that with Jia's accident the Project Runway's ratings spiked. The producers sent Jia flowers! Allegedly, they will bring her back on for the final episode with a moving Jia tribute and update on the process of her recuperation. I'm hoping that the happy Jia reunion will be enough to eclipse Jeffery's victory. I'm not saying he's definitely going to win, but I'm worried...as the Four-Four pointed out, the editors have been humanizing his perfectly villainous character. I reference the Father's Day text message and video of a diapered Lil' Jeffery stumbling merrily along and drooling. AND his mom did tell us he's a recovered addict...
"This is how addicts do it. I should know. I freebased peanut butter when the going got tough, back in '83."
The Mayor borrowed one of the Minx's socks and peeled up her stocking to show us her bad case of poison ivy. You too can witness the culprit. So Minx, you don't want that sock washed, right? I mean, the Mayor only had it on for a few hours.
Our food in a bag came with fortunes in cookies. The Escape Goat cracked hers open and was pleased with the predicted outcome, but I couldn't read it.
She ate her cookie but not the fortune. If the fortune comes true I'll let you know...
2 comments:
Best post ever!!
Nothing yet. Unless the object of my desire was a blistering case of strep throat. Or a blizzard in the second week of October. OR--yes, the Clark Street bus! Shoot. I always waste my fortunes on paltry public transportation wishes.
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